Sitting on the beach on June 26, 2023, God poured out this letter to me. I talk about it in my first podcast, but here it is in the text. I took the photo of my feet at the beach that night. I knew it was a pivotal moment, I just didn’t realize the paradigm shift that it would usher into my life.
The September journal response was after I had begun the journey. I was almost two months into it. This is really where my Surrender to Truth started.
June 26, 2023
Are you really hurting or are you just giving the final push to a goodbye that should have happened a long time ago? Release it. Let it go. The frustration, the anger, the resentment. They don’t belong to you. Be proud that you learned to trust again. Find joy in the fact that you learned the lesson. You can now better define what you do and don’t want. You aren’t looking for a prince you are a queen. And I have called you out of the caves to rise up, to spread your wings fully. Don’t go back to the despair that isolated you from the people you love. Don’t look back at it with rose colored glasses of regret. It was a season of comfort. A season of learning lessons you couldn’t learn on your own.
You did well, you did what I asked of you. Well done good and faithful servant. You humbled yourself, you found the bottom of the pool. This is the push off. This is the fastest way to the surface, and you can’t bring any of the pain with you. It’s too heavy. You choose. You choose your response, and you told me My Will. That means not yours. That means you let me, you surrender, you trust me. I have never left you. I have never forsaken you. I didn’t give you an easy path. But I have walked beside you every day in the voices of the people that you would listen to when you couldn’t hear me. You aren’t too old. You aren’t too much. You were meant to love people. You were destined to be a pathway to healing.
So tonight, I sit with you, and I minister to you so that you can take that to the others. Your courage your voice your story. Rise up and leave all of that here. It’s covered in the blood and it’s mine now. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. It wasn’t your dream. You will spread your wings; you will experience things you can’t even imagine. Don’t get tied up in it. Don’t get bound by what everyone else has. The gift I gave you is greater.
Amen and Selah.
September 26, 2023.
God help me change my beliefs about you. I ask for forgiveness in my judgments against you. You are a generous and merciful God. You have plans to prosper me – in your timing. You are more than enough for me. I know that you have given me everything I need right here, right now.
You have brought me home to build a new foundation for me. Bringing me out of exile and plopping me back to where my memories start. Right here, Lord. Lord, you have already restored so much to me. You have already established your presence in my life right here. Sunbeam, Florida – your sense of humor isn’t lost on me as the sun shines on me this morning through the blinds. I know my life is different, and I can’t expect what everyone else has. Lord, I don’t seek to build a home that part of me, unless reignited by you is gone. I long to build a business to glorify you, but if that isn’t your intent, you can take that from me. I will tell my story the best way that I can. I will be a pathway to healing – whatever that looks like. I don’t mind standing and shouting, and I will also be vulnerable in one to ones. My story is yours, and I will tell it as you direct me to.
I don’t have much else of value – just me, my passions, my giftings, my story, and my relationship with You. Nothing else matters.
Lord, through Jesus, I forgive the people who have taken from my sources without reciprocation. Financially, sexually, spiritually, relationally. I pray for a full cup to pour from again without fear. You will guide my steps and tell me clearly where to pour instead of me trying to fill holes on my own. I will take that provision that you will provide and pour under your guidance.
I am grateful and value the people you have equipped to help me along my path, and I pray tenfold blessings on them—the pillars – those who have loved me wherever I have gone. Pour out on them Lord – POUR!!!
Lord, you are teaching me not to ask – just to tell – and then allow you to do your part, and I will set that as a cornerstone of this new foundation. I trust you – I choose to trust you with abandon. I will listen to your small and loud voice to guide me. Father, Son, Holy Spirit
Daddy, Saver, Counselor
Abba, Redeemer, Comforter
In that, I trust, and in that, I lay down all expectations. In that, I surrender my vision, heart, and feeble strength. I handed over my sword but picked up a shovel and have been attempting to fill in the holes in my life with a sense of panic. Lord, I lay my busyness, resourcefulness, and skills at your feet. I will put my hand to what you give me to do, even if that means being still while you do your will. I lay down any anxiety about my provision at your feet. You can give, and you can take away. I will trust you both with and without all the days of my life. I am not conforming to the expectations of the people around me. It doesn’t have to look how anyone – including myself – expects it to. Lord, I just pray for fresh oil for a new season. A new anointing as I transverse this new land – as you pour this new foundation and separate me from myself to be what you have destined me to be.
I surrender – and walk in the power of relinquishment fully without grumbling, without disdain. My feelings are valid, but my soul rests in you. Being comforted by a peace only the Holy Spirit can provide. I have nothing outside of you and chose that again today as my truth. Thank you for the fresh mercies this morning. I do not have to guard my heart. You are healing me and equipping me to love again. I chose to grab onto that. I don’t have a broken trust source; You are my trust source. I do not have a broken soul. You are healing my soul hurts – self-inflicted, collateral damage and viciousness. I embrace it with grace and love through Jesus. Lord, my body is beginning to line up, and I pray that you will guard my decisions to care for my flesh with its wants and needs. I chose you first and foremost.
In Jesus Name.
Amen.
