Chaos is just a part of life; whoever told you life is fair lied. I have tried various techniques to control it, some effective and others laughably futile. I want to share the difference between what has worked for me and my abandoned methods.
What Works:
Accepting What I Can’t Control
When I was a little girl, my grandfather made me repeat, “I refuse to get upset over anything I have no control over.” He taught me many valuable lessons, but that is one I still implement in my daily life. I used to think the only thing I had control over was my hair, only for it to get humid or for my hairdresser to reschedule. I realize now that I have control only over my responses. If I had a role in controlling something, I would have the title and authority to fix it; if I don’t, I have to let it go.
Intentional Scheduling
My time priorities are mine alone to dictate. When I was in ministry within the church, I was taught that it was all about the people. Everything I do is about the people. Marketing for a company is about the person needing my help; it is the same thing if it is a client. My closest friends know they can call me any time, and I will do my best to answer. I can work my tasks around that as long as I have a method of keeping them organized. I work diligently on task management so that when people need me, I can give them my time and circle back to what I was trying to accomplish. Keep the main thing the main thing. In my world, the main things are the people in my life.
Allowing Space for my Rest and Reflection
This concept is new to me. Pre-injury, I would run and go and do to distract myself from myself. I chased adventure and sensation to keep me from feeling my own emotions. I would bury myself in work for hours to escape my internal chaos. I am still learning to do this, so I don’t claim to be a guru, but I know it is something that I am intentionally scheduling into my daily schedule.
What Doesn’t Work:
Trying to Control People
Politics, social issues, and my adult children’s decisions—none of that is under my control. I don’t watch the news; I can’t influence what they choose to report, but I can control what I allow into my world. The same goes for social media. We complain about the algorithm but create it based on what we pay attention to. Social Media is easily refined for a much better experience. I take responsibility for what is mine, but if it isn’t mine, as Mel Robbins simply says, “Let Them.” I decided to be an encourager and hope dealer instead of judge and jury. I will always ask the hard questions, but I allow ample space and grace for people to come up with their answers.
Overplanning Every Detail
I can’t control how things turn out. I can show up, do my best, and be prepared, but I also must allow space and grace for things to play out. There is no perfect plan, and micromanaging exhausts me. I struggle with the people in my life who are over planners. I am too fluid for them; they are too rigid for me. Can I over-plan? Yes. It’s a skill set I was taught and then abandoned as quickly as possible.
Reacting Instead of Responding
I am a hothead—at least I used to be. Over the last ten years or so, I have had to learn how to respond. I still stumble here, especially with the people closest to me. I have had to repeatedly learn that my reactions impact people and cause a mess that I must apologize for and clean up later. I work on this one every day. My current technique is to excuse myself from the conversation and ask for time to think it through.
Ultimately, chaos isn’t something we can conquer. We all devise our workarounds. I by no means have it all figured out. I have learned that chaos is constant, my response is my responsibility, and I leave space and grace for the people around me because I know I need it from them, too.
The word ‘responsibility’ contains ‘response’ for a reason—our ability to respond is at the core of owning our actions. While we can’t control chaos or others, we can take responsibility by choosing intentional responses over impulsive reactions. Responsibility is, quite literally, built on how we respond.
